I came into this study to find out about marriage. To find out how old the boy and the girl are when each are ready to be married, what it means to be married, or promised. What is the difference if any? Also, to find out about the dowry the boy pays for the girl, how people in the TNK get married, and if we are to marry others who are not Torah observant, and about marriage in general, What is Marriage? I also wanted to see if different things are allowed between two people before marriage, as in holding hands, kissing, petting, etc..
I have come to find a lot of answers. There are still questions that I have that have not been answered because the TNK does not specify. I think that with those questions, the answers must then come from "common sense". Here is what I have learned from this study. So where do we start in this study? At the beginning.

First we will look at the question: What is Marriage?

From the Brown Driver Briggs (BDB) - Marriage = H5772 - Onah - 1) cohabitation, conjugal rights - Part of Speech: noun feminine, A Related Word by BDB/Strong's Number: from an unused root apparently meaning to dwell together
Same Word by TWOT Number: 1650a

We see the first marriage, is when YHWH gave Adam a wife.

Gen. 2:24
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.

So marriage is when a man and a woman come together, to live together, and each has marital rights. The man is to leave his father and mother, and cling to his wife.

(BDB) H1692 dabaq - stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch 1a) (Qal) 1a1) to cling, cleave to - 1a2) to stay with 1b) (Pual) to be joined together 1c) (Hiphil) 1c1) to cause to cleave to - 1c2) to pursue closely - 1c3) to overtake - 1d) (Hophal) to be made to cleave
Part of Speech: verb A Related Word by BDB/Strong's Number: a primitive root Same Word by TWOT Number: 398

Marriage is for a man and a woman to be together, to help each other, to keep each other company, so that neither one will be alone.

Gen. 2: 18
Then YHWH Elohiym said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner."

We do see that YHWH permits a husband to have more than one wife. But, the man must not take away anything from the first wife (food, clothing, and marital rights).

Ex. 21:10 If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife. 11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

What is a husband? Is he only the man that you are already married to? Or is he also the man you are engaged to?

Gen. 19:14
14 So Lot went out and said to his sons-in-law, who were to marry his daughters, "Up, get out of this place; for YHWH is about to destroy the city." But he seemed to his sons-in-law to be jesting.
We see here that a son-in-law, doesn't just mean the husband (already married), we see that it also means the bridegroom (one who is not married yet, but engaged or promised). The two are still considered married.

H2860 BDB Definition:
1) son-in-law, daughter's husband, bridegroom, husband - Part of Speech: noun masculine - A Related Word by BDB/Strong's Number: from H2859 - Same Word by TWOT Number: 781c

Gen. 29:20-21
20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed."
BDB - H802 1) woman, wife, female 1a) woman (opposite of man) 1b) wife (woman married to a man)
We see here that even a girl that is promised to a man, is still considered married, even though the two have not consummated the marriage.
So first we have learnt that even though a man and a woman are not married (the marriage is not consummated), the two are still considered married, the marriage just hasn't been consummated yet. Being promised is the same as being married. We have the proof of this by looking at the following verses.

Deut. 22:23-27 (Virgins (engaged to be married)
23 If there is a young woman, a virgin already engaged to be married, and a man meets her in the town and lies with her, 24 you shall bring both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry for help in the town and the man because he violated his neighbor's wife. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.
25 But if the man meets the engaged woman in the open country, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. 26 You shall do nothing to the young woman; the young woman has not committed an offense punishable by death, because this case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor. 27 Since he found her in the open country, the engaged woman may have cried for help, but there was no one to rescue her.
So we see here, that with a young woman, a virgin "engaged to be married" (not yet consummated) she is still considered to be married, and if she was to sleep with another man and is found out (in the town) then she and the man are to be put to death. So to be promised to each other, is the same as being married, even though the two do not yet live together. From what I see and understand, this was a good thing to do. It kept the girls virgins until married, because they knew if they were caught sleeping with someone, the punishment was death. This kept the children of Israel a holy people, as YHWH intended. There was no running around from one man to the other. There were no young girls unmarried with children and no husband, that the TNK tells us about. There could of been these types of girls, but the TNK doesn't tell us. But we know that there were prostitutes then also, and there is a chance that there were children from these prostitutes. But, the prostitutes were looked down upon. It was something that shouldn't be done.

A woman can only have one husband:
Gen. 20:3
3 But Elohiym came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, "You are about to die because of the woman whom you have taken; for she is a married woman."

Deut. 22:22
22 If a man is caught lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman as well as the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

The reason a man could have more than one wife, is to help populate the earth. Also, he knew who his children were. A woman couldn't have more than one husband, because she wouldn't know who was the father. It is very important that a child know who his or her father is. The family line comes from the father, and not the mother. So for a child to know what his or her line is, that child must look to the father.

A man can marry more than one wife:
Sam. 25:43
43 David also married Ahinoam of Jezreel; both of them became his wives.

1 King 11: (Talking about Solomon)
3 Among his wives were seven hundred princesses and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart.


Ages of men when married:
Gen. 25:20
20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah, daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Paddan-aram, sister of Laban the Aramean.

Gen. 26:34
34 When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite;

1 Chr. 2:21
21 Afterward Hezron went in to the daughter of Machir father of Gilead, whom he married when he was sixty years old; and she bore him Segub;

Isa. 62:5
5 For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your builder marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your Elohiym rejoice over you.
The word "young" here is H970 BDB Definition:
1) youth, young man - Part of Speech: noun masculine - A Related Word by BDB/Strong's Number: participle passive of H977 - Same Word by TWOT Number: 231a

The TNK does not talk about a specific age to get married. Young could mean a whole list of things. We call anyone younger than us young. There was a lady in the school the other day, who was in her 50's and she was talking about a neighbor who was in his 80's who called her a youngster. This word young can also mean a 1 day old baby. So, there is a very wide definition for this word. The TNK does not give a specific age limit for when a man can marry. I think that we have to look at the ability of the young man, to see if he is mature enough to take care of himself, a wife, and family. I think he must be knowledgeable, and capable to take on the responsibility of marriage, and a family.

Genesis 38:13–14
13 When Tamar was told, "Your father-in-law is going up to Timnah to shear his sheep,"
14 she put off her widow's garments, put on a veil, wrapped herself up, and sat down at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the road to Timnah. She saw that Shelah was grown up, yet she had not been given to him in marriage.

The word "grown" here is BDB H1431 - gadal - 1) to grow, become great or important, promote, make powerful, praise, magnify, do great things
1a) (Qal) 1a1) to grow up 1a2) to become great 1a3) to be magnified 1b) (Piel) 1b1) to cause to grow 1b2) to make great, powerful 1b3) to magnify
1c) (Pual) to be brought up 1d) (Hiphil) 1d1) to make great 1d2) to magnify 1d3) to do great things 1e) (Hithpael) to magnify oneself Here we see that Shelah had grown up enough to marry. We are still not given an exact age, but we know from this that he was able to care for himself, wife and family. We are shown that a boy at 20 years old is worth more than when he is younger as seen below.

Exodus 30:12-14
12 When you take a census of the Israelites to register them, at registration all of them shall give a ransom for their lives to YHWH, so that no plague may come upon them for being registered. 13 This is what each one who is registered shall give: half a shekel according to the shekel of the sanctuary (the shekel is twenty gerahs), half a shekel as an offering to YHWH. 14 Each one who is registered, from twenty years old and upward, shall give YHWH's offering.
To be registered you had to be 20 years old. This was for all males. Where ever you look, only the males were counted because they were the ones going off to war. At age 20 the males are old enough to go to war. My thinking is that if a male is ready to go to war, he is also ready to be married as we will see in a minute.
Numbers 1:2-3
2 Take a census of the whole congregation of Israelites, in their clans, by ancestral houses, according to the number of names, every male individually; 3 from twenty years old and upward, everyone in Israel able to go to war. You and Aaron shall enroll them, company by company.
From this we can assume that the age of an adult is when they are accountable to pay for themselves, and to fight for YHWH (male) when he is 20 years old. My conclusion is that if YHWH starts counting a person as an adult at age 20, when he is to be registered, and required to pay the ransom, and old enough for war, then at that time they are also ready for marriage. Not before. This is from what I can see from the Torah. It may or may not be correct, you can do a study on your own and decide for yourself.
YHWH gives a blessing to those who are newly married.
Deut. 24:5
5 When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be charged with any related duty. He shall be free at home one year, to be happy with the wife whom he has married.
Deu. 20:7
7 Has anyone become engaged to a woman but not yet married her? He should go back to his house, or he might die in the battle and another marry her."

From what I see, a male is an adult at 20, because then he is allowed to go to war. He can also get married at that age, as seen in Deut. 24:5. Also, from what I see here, the word "married" does not mean pledged to be married. It means "just married", because of the last part of the verse which says, "has married". So this means that the couple has already been married, not pledged any longer.

Ages of women when married:

This is one of the questions that I have, which the TNK does not answer. There are a lot of places throughout the TNK which says how old a man was when he married, but there is no where in the TNK which says how old the woman was when she married. The TNK does say in many places, or does refer to the female as a "woman" or "young girl". Which means she was marrying age. But does not specify what age exactly is marrying age. This is where we have to use "common sense".
Common sense would tell us that a young girl at a very young age (under 18 at the least) is not ready to be married in most cases. Just because the girl looks like she is an adult, may act adult, and ‘some' of her bodily functions may say she is ready, the rest of her is saying "not yet".
There are many things that happen when a woman is pregnant. Many changes in the body take place, and a girl ‘must' be ready for these changes (inwardly and outwardly) before getting married. A lot of the changes that take place are emotional, and this is the biggest thing that the girl has to deal with when pregnant. For a girl to be ready to get married and to start a family, she ‘must' really be ready for this big change that will occur in her.
The girl must be ready to be married, both in mind and body (where the body is usually ready, before the mind). She must be ready to do as her husband instructs her (as long as it is not against the Torah). She must be ready to take care of herself, her husband, and the upcoming family. The girl should know how to take care of her husband, a house, and children.
So common sense tells us to look at all these things before we let our daughters get married. I have heard many people, including the Hebrew/Greek dictionary say that the ‘young girl or damsel' mentioned in Genesis 24:14 - 14 Let the girl to whom I shall say, 'Please offer your jar that I may drink,' and who shall say, 'Drink, and I will water your camels'--let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.") is talking about Eliezer going to meet Rebekah means:
HG Dict. 5291. na'arah, nah-ar-aw'; fem. of H5288; a girl (from infancy to adolescence):--damsel, maid (-en), young (woman).
They have said that this means Rebekah is a girl from infancy to adolescence (1 day to around the age of 13 years). I do not think so. One reason is this. The Torah states that Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah (Gen. 25:20). Rebekah could not have been an adolescent or younger if Isaac was 40 years old. In my opinion there is no way that an adolescent or younger could comfort Isaac after the death of his mother. A girl who was older would of been able to comfort him though. Also, a younger girl, from what I see could not have held the water jug, which was heavy. The girl would of had to have been older than 13.

I did find one reference that "might" lead us to the answer of how old a girl is when she reaches adulthood.
Lev. 27: 2-4
2 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'If anyone makes a special vow to dedicate persons to YHWH by giving equivalent values, 3 set the value of a male between the ages of twenty and sixty at fifty shekels of silver, according to the sanctuary shekel ; 4 and if it is a female, set her value at thirty shekels.
If you read further, you will see that as the age of the girl is younger, the cost to pay is less. So it seems that at the age in which she would pay more, she would be more valuable, in that she is at the age of an adult (marrying age). This is the same idea I see for the boys age of adulthood also. The more he has to pay for the taxes, and things the more he is worth (adulthood).
From what I understand and from what the Torah says, my conclusion for the marriage age is twenty years old. This is for either a boy or a girl. It makes sense too, because at 20 years old we are more mature and stable, and ready to take care of a family, than when younger.

Here is an insert and information from a book with some really good information on the sexual activities of young people under the age of 20.

Source: Towards adulthood: Exploring the sexual and reprodutive health of adolescents in South Asia
Editors: Sarah Bott, Shireen Jejeebhoy, Iqbal Shah, and Chander Puri.
Article: "Impact of sexually transmitted infections including AIDS on adolescents: a global perspective"
Quote: "Physiology is the first factor that makes adolescents- particularly girls - more vulnerable than adults to STIs. Because girls have a large mucosal surface area exposed to infection and have not developed mature moucosal defence systems, the cells that line the opening of the cervix are more susceptible to chlamydia, gonorrhoea and HIV than those of adult women. This fact argues for later sexual initiation for girls." p. 133.

Second quote (same source, different article): "Early marriage and childbearing: risks and consequences" by Ramesh K. Adhikari

Quote: "It is generally accepted that childbearing among women aged 15-19 doubles the risk of death due to pregnancy-related causes compared to women in their twenties (Population Reference Bureau, 2000). Hospital-based studies from Nepal have shown an association between teenage pregnancy, pregnancy-induced hypertension and anaemia. The same studies found that fetal loss and abnormal delieries were highter among teen mothers.

You can get more information about this, and book information at the following website.
http://www.who.int/reproductive-health/publications/towards_adulthood/
Here is the article in PDF form
http://www.who.int/reproductive-health/publications/towards_adulthood/towards_adultwood.pdf

The main idea to these articles is that Pregnancy-related complications are one of the major causes of death for girls aged 15 to 19. There is also a higher chance of babies being physically and / or mentally disabled when born to younger girls. Babies born to younger girls have a higher chance of health problems, and the mothers have a higher chance of health problems through their lives because they were pregnant at a young age.

The Bride Price:

The bride price is what the man pays the father of the girl he wants to marry. The bride price can be money, goods, livestock, land, work, or anything of value. You will see a few examples below.
Gen. 29:20
20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.
(Jacob had already served Laban 7 years, but was tricked and given Leah instead. Therefore he had to work another 7 years for Rachel. So the total bride price for both was 14 years.)
Gen. 34:11-12
11 Shechem also said to her father and to her brothers, "Let me find favor with you, and whatever you say to me I will give. 12 Put the marriage present and gift as high as you like, and I will give whatever you ask me; only give me the girl to be my wife."

1 Samuel 18:27
27 David rose and went, along with his men, and killed one hundred of the Philistines; and David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king's son-in-law. Saul gave him his daughter Michal as a wife.
We see here that David's bride price was 100 Philistine's foreskins.
From what I can see from the TNK, the father is the one who sets the bride price, unless the man lays with the virgin (who is not married), then he has to pay a set price as seen in the above verse. The father and the prospective husband can agree on a bride price, as Jacob and Laban did, and as David and Saul.

Who okays the marriage?:
Genesis 24:57-58
57 They said, "We will call the girl, and ask her." 58 And they called Rebekah, and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" She said, "I will."

Deut. 22:16
16 The father of the young woman shall say to the elders: "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man but he dislikes her;

Numbers 36:6-7
6 This is what YHWH commands concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, 'Let them marry whom they think best; only it must be into a clan of their father's tribe that they are married, 7 so that no inheritance of the Israelites shall be transferred from one tribe to another; for all Israelites shall retain the inheritance of their ancestral tribes.

1 Chronicles 2:34-35
34 Now Sheshan had no sons, only daughters; but Sheshan had an Egyptian slave, whose name was Jarha. 35 So Sheshan gave his daughter in marriage to his slave Jarha; and she bore him Attai.

Gen. 29:22-23
22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place, and made a feast. 23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her.

We see that a daughter has the say so, of whom she marries. The father has the last word of whom she marries.
From what we have read, the marriage is up to the girl and her father. The girl can have the choice in saying that she does or does not want to marry the man. The father can say, "no, I don't want you to marry this person", and give her to someone else. So it is the father's last word on whom the girl marries. As in the story about David wanting to marry Saul's daughter, Saul took back his daughter (before the actual marriage, while they were still promised) and gave her to another man to marry, as we will see below.
There is a verse where YHWH is telling the man who he has to marry, as seen in the following verse.

Deut. 25:5-10
5 When brothers reside together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the deceased shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband's brother shall go in to her, taking her in marriage, and performing the duty of a husband's brother to her, 6 and the firstborn whom she bears shall succeed to the name of the deceased brother, so that his name may not be blotted out of Israel. 7 But if the man has no desire to marry his brother's widow, then his brother's widow shall go up to the elders at the gate and say, "My husband's brother refuses to perpetuate his brother's name in Israel; he will not perform the duty of a husband's brother to me." 8 Then the elders of his town shall summon him and speak to him. If he persists, saying, "I have no desire to marry her," 9 then his brother's wife shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, pull his sandal off his foot, spit in his face, and declare, "This is what is done to the man who does not build up his brother's house." 10 Throughout Israel his family shall be known as "the house of him whose sandal was pulled off."

This seems to be the only instance of marriage when the man and woman do not have a say so on who they are marrying. All other times, the girl and the father are the ones to okay the marriage.


Who can stop the marriage?:

In Judges 14:10 we see that Samson saw a girl he wanted to marry. He told his parents and his parents went to speak to the father of the girl about the marriage to their son Samson. In verse 10 Samson is making a feast for his upcoming marriage as his father goes to talk to the girl's father.
10 His father went down to the woman, and Samson made a feast there as the young men were accustomed to do.
Then as we skip down to verse 15, we see that the young girl is already called his wife, even though they have not consumated the marriage yet.
15 On the fourth day they said to Samson's wife, "Coax your husband to explain the riddle to us, or we will burn you and your father's house with fire. Have you invited us here to impoverish us?"
The father gives the wife (bride) away to someone else:
20 And Samson's wife was given to his companion, who had been his best man.

We also see with David, that Saul gave Michal, his youngest daughter to marry David, and then gave her again to someone else.

1 Sam. 18:27
27 David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

1 Sam. 25:44
44 But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David's wife, to Paltiel son of Laish, who was from Gallim.

Judges 15:1 After a while, at the time of the wheat harvest, Samson went to visit his wife, bringing along a kid. He said, "I want to go into my wife's room." But her father would not allow him to go in. 2 Her father said, "I was sure that you had rejected her; so I gave her to your companion. Is not her younger sister prettier than she? Why not take her instead?"

Samuel 25:44
44 Saul had given his daughter Michal, David's wife, to Palti son of Laish, who was from Gallim.

Gen. 29:26-27
26 Laban said, "This is not done in our country--giving the younger before the firstborn. 27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years."

From these verses, we see that the father or the daughter can okay the marriage, and also that the father can change his mind, and give the girl to someone else. We also see that the two men that did give their daughter in marriage to someone else, (besides the one that she were promised to in the first place) were not good men. So going back on the marriage promise may be okay, if it is for a good reason, but not for selfishness.

Marrying the wrong person:

There are some of us here, who have learned this leason the hard way, I for one am one of them. There are some of us here who may still have this lesson to learn. Hopefully by reading and studying more closely YHWH's commands to us, those who have not gotten married yet, will learn to do HIS will.

Gen. 27:46
46 Then Rebekah said to Isaac, "I am weary of my life because of the Hittite women. If Jacob marries one of the Hittite women such as these, one of the women of the land, what good will my life be to me?"

Josh. 23:12-13
12 For if you turn back, and join the survivors of these nations left here among you, and intermarry with them, so that you marry their women and they yours, 13 know assuredly that YHWH your Elohiym will not continue to drive out these nations before you; but they shall be a snare and a trap for you, a scourge on your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land that YHWH your Elohiym has given you.

1 King 11:2-4
2 from the nations concerning which YHWH had said to the Israelites, "You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you; for they will surely incline your heart to follow their Elohiyms"; Solomon clung to these in love. 3 Among his wives were seven hundred princesses and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart. 4 For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other Elohiyms; and his heart was not true to YHWH his Elohiym, as was the heart of his father David.

Neh. 13:23-27
23 In those days also I saw Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab;
24 and half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and they could not speak the language of Judah, but spoke the language of various peoples. 25 And I contended with them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair; and I made them take an oath in the name of Elohiym, saying, "You shall not give your daughters to their sons, or take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. 26 Did not King Solomon of Israel sin on account of such women? Among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was beloved by his Elohiym, and Elohiym made him king over all Israel; nevertheless, foreign women made even him to sin.
27 Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our Elohiym by marrying foreign women?"

1 King 11:2
2 from the nations concerning which YHWH had said to the Israelites, "You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you; for they will surely incline your heart to follow their Elohiyms"; Solomon clung to these in love.

Josh. 23:11-13
11 Be very careful, therefore, to love YHWH your Elohiym. 12 For if you turn back, and join the survivors of these nations left here among you, and intermarry with them, so that you marry their women and they yours, 13 know assuredly that YHWH your Elohiym will not continue to drive out these nations before you; but they shall be a snare and a trap for you, a scourge on your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land that YHWH your Elohiym has given you. 3 Among his wives were seven hundred princesses and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart. 4 For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other Elohiyms; and his heart was not true to YHWH his Elohiym, as was the heart of his father David.

Ezra 10:10-11
10 Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, "You have trespassed and married foreign women, and so increased the guilt of Israel. 11 Now make confession to YHWH the Elohiym of your ancestors, and do his will; separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives."
All those who had married foreign women (those not following YHWH's laws and commandments) sent their wives and children away, as seen in verse 44.
Ezra 10:44
44 All these had married foreign women, and they sent them away with their children.

Neh.13:23-27
23 In those days also I saw Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab;
24 and half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and they could not speak the language of Judah, but spoke the language of various peoples. 25 And I contended with them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair; and I made them take an oath in the name of Elohiym, saying, "You shall not give your daughters to their sons, or take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. 26 Did not King Solomon of Israel sin on account of such women? Among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was beloved by his Elohiym, and Elohiym made him king over all Israel; nevertheless, foreign women made even him to sin. 27 Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our Elohiym by marrying foreign women?"

Dan. 2:43
43 As you saw the iron mixed with clay, so will they mix with one another in marriage, but they will not hold together, just as iron does not mix with clay.

YHWH wants us to be a holy people. In being a holy people, we must do as YHWH says.
Deut. 28:9
9 YHWH will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of YHWH your Elohiym and walk in his ways.
Deut. 7: 3-4
3 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other Elohiyms, and YHWH's anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.

We must not intermarry, or let our children intermarry with the peoples of this land, those who do not follow YHWH and HIS commandments, and laws. It is a great guilt to marry one who does not follow YHWH. We are not to bring these things in our homes, lives, or anywhere in front of our faces. In marring these people, there is to great of a percent that you will follow the husband's or wife's pagan rituals, and go away from YHWH.

Ezra 9: 11-15
11 you gave through your servants the prophets when you said: 'The land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its peoples. By their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity from one end to the other. 12 Therefore, do not give your daughters in marriage to their sons or take their daughters for your sons. Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them at any time, that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it to your children as an everlasting inheritance.'
13 "What has happened to us is a result of our evil deeds and our great guilt, and yet, our Elohiym, you have punished us less than our sins have deserved and have given us a remnant like this. 14 Shall we again break your commands and intermarry with the peoples who commit such detestable practices? Would you not be angry enough with us to destroy us, leaving us no remnant or survivor? 15 O YHWH, Elohiym of Israel, you are righteous! We are left this day as a remnant. Here we are before you in our guilt, though because of it not one of us can stand in your presence."

There is one verse that comes to mind about those in war taking a wife. YHWH gives stipulations of what to do if a man takes a wife from a captive in war. From what we have already read, YHWH is not telling us to marry these women, or not to marry these women. HE did say that you can if the girl does certain things first.

Deut. 21:
11 suppose you see among the captives a beautiful woman whom you desire and want to marry,
12 and so you bring her home to your house: she shall shave her head, pare her nails, 13 discard her captive's garb, and shall remain in your house a full month, mourning for her father and mother; after that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 But if you are not satisfied with her, you shall let her go free and not sell her for money. You must not treat her as a slave, since you have dishonored her.

In my opinion, from what we have already read above, it looks to me to be a bad idea to marry a captive, since she more than likely is worshiping Elohiyms, and not YHWH. The only way that I see that this would be okay is if the girl threw out her Elohiyms, and followed YHWH, and HIM only. Because the inclination to follow her and her Elohiyms are to great, and to take that chance to move yourself away from YHWH and HIS laws and commands is not worth it. In my opinion. Also, even though the man who wants to marry the girl does not follow her or her Elohiyms, there is still the chance of her teaching her ways to the children. And from what I see, this is why the men sent away "both" the foreign women "and" their children. I may be wrong, but this is what I understand as of now.
Now we know what is marriage, what to look for in the boy and the girl to know if they are old enough to be married, we know that the boy is the one that is to pay a dowry, or brides price for the girl to the girls father. We also know who YHWH tells us to marry, and who HE tells us not to marry.
Now we get to the actual marriage. You are the boy and girl who have either been promised to each other and are ready to be married, or you are the boy and the girl who have just met, and have been selected by each of the fathers to be married. So now, what do you have to do in order to be married? Is there a big ceremony? Is there a wedding as people do today when they stand up in front of the head man of the church who says a few words, and whom the man says you are now married? Lets see what the Torah says.

How to get married: (consumate the marriage)
Gen. 24:66-67
66 And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. 67 Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent. He took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

Gen. 29:23
23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her.

Gen. 30:4
4 So she gave him her maid Bilhah as a wife; and Jacob went in to her.

Gen. 38:2-3
2 There Judah saw the daughter of a certain Canaanite whose name was Shua; he married her and went in to her. 3 She conceived and bore a son; and he named him Er.

Ruth 4:13
So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. When they came together, YHWH made her conceive, and she bore a son.

From these verses we can see that you don't need to stand up in front of the head of a church or congragation in order to be married. You don't need to do as man does today to be married. The only thing you need to do in order to be married is to consumate the marriage by having sexual relations with each other. As you have read before with Jacob, and with Solomn, and a few other men, that there was a wedding party before the consumation. But this doesn't have to happen. Only the sexual relations has to happen, for the two to be married.
As we see below, there is also a good reason for the parents of the girl to get the "proof" of the sheets afterwards, so that the husband can not come back later and say that he married the girl, but she is not a virgin, as seen in the following verse.

Deut. 22:15
15 The father of the young woman and her mother shall then submit the evidence of the young woman's virginity to the elders of the city at the gate.

Now we have covered just about everything dealing with marriage, and how to get started. We now want to cover the things "not" to do. The sins and their punishments, or outcomes.

Gen. 22:16 Virgins (not engaged to be married)
16 When a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged to be married, and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. 17 But if her father refuses to give her to him, he shall pay an amount equal to the bride-price for virgins.

Ex. 22:16-17
16 When a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged to be married, and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. 17 But if her father refuses to give her to him, he shall pay an amount equal to the bride-price for virgins.

Deut. 22:28-29
28 If a man meets a virgin who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are caught in the act, 29 the man who lay with her shall give fifty shekels of silver to the young woman's father, and she shall become his wife. Because he violated her he shall not be permitted to divorce her as long as he lives.

The reason the man has to pay the father, is because the father owns the daughter. The man came along and took (stoled) something from the girl. The man has to pay for what he took. The man also has to take the girl and acknowledge that she is his wife, and not divorce her. The father can say, you have to pay me, but you can not have my daughter.

Finding something objectionable with the wife:
Deut. 24:1-4
24:1 Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house; she then leaves his house 2 and goes off to become another man's wife. 3 Then suppose the second man dislikes her, writes her a bill of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house (or the second man who married her dies);
4 her first husband, who sent her away, is not permitted to take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that would be abhorrent to YHWH, and you shall not bring guilt on the land that YHWH your Elohiym is giving you as a possession.

Adultry and sins of marriage:

Deut. 22:23-27
23 If there is a young woman, a virgin already engaged to be married, and a man meets her in the town and lies with her, 24 you shall bring both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry for help in the town and the man because he violated his neighbor's wife. So you shall purge the evil from your midst. 25 But if the man meets the engaged woman in the open country, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die.
26 You shall do nothing to the young woman; the young woman has not committed an offense punishable by death, because this case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor. 27 Since he found her in the open country, the engaged woman may have cried for help, but there was no one to rescue her.

Deut. 24:1-4
24:1 Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house; she then leaves his house 2 and goes off to become another man's wife. 3 Then suppose the second man dislikes her, writes her a bill of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house (or the second man who married her dies); 4 her first husband, who sent her away, is not permitted to take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that would be abhorrent to YHWH, and you shall not bring guilt on the land that YHWH your Elohiym is giving you as a possession.

Finally:

Jer. 29:4-6
4 Thus says YHWH of hosts, the Elohiym of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.

The whole idea for a girl to be betrothed in marriage at a young age, is so that there is no promiscuity going on. When the girl is promised in marriage, she is considered married, even though there is not a marriage relationship as intimate relationship, going on, the girl knows that she is promised to someone and is not allowed to be with another. This is to keep the girl a virgin (pure) so that she does not sin and die.
In today's society, an intimate relationship has become something that is not honored, and therefor many of the young children are running around with all kinds of sexual diseases. The girls do not have any pride in themselves, or their family. Family breakups are very common, and the divorce rate rises higher and higher every year. The girls do not know or understand what marriage is. They look at marriage the wrong way. They think that the more boys they have sex with, the better. Have fun now, because the looks won't last. They do not think about how much happier they would be if they committed themselves to just one boy, and settling down with that one boy for the rest of their lives. The standard of behavior towards marriage and an intimate relationship has been thrown out the window. We need to go back to the Torah as we have done here and read, and study on how marriage was at that time, when marriage was still a very sacred event, and not something to just look down upon, as we do today.
In being promised to the boy at a young age, will keep the boy and the girl from promiscuity. It has saved the family life. There was honor in staying a virgin. Now there is no honor if you are a virgin. This doesn't mean that two people who were promised for marriage at a young age would still have to get married when older. Something could come up with the boy or the girl, to where one has decided that they do not want to marry the other, for some reason. Maybe the boy has grown up to be a drunk, or to be lazy, or maybe the girl flirts to much, or she is mouthy, or something else, etc.. One or the other has decided that they don't want to marry the one they were promised to. The father also could take back his promise, and give his daughter in marriage to someone else. We are to keep our promises, so unless there is a really good reason of why the two who were promised should not get married, (as one of the reasons or other stated above) we should be honorable and keep promises. The father's of the couple would get together and talk about the reasons, and break the marriage contract. The girl would then be eligable to marry someone else, whom she and her father agreed upon.
Marriage in the TNK was for the purpose of filling the earth with people. Now-a-days, this is not the case, as the earth now is filled with a lot of people, and in some countries, over-crowding has occurred. I believe that we need to teach our children the Torah, as Torah states we should. In this way we have raised up Torah obedient children (holy people) and they in turn will teach their children the Torah, and will be holy people to YHWH also.
I for one know that in today's society it is hard to raise children with all that is put in front of their faces. It is also hard to find Torah obedient men and women for our children to marry. I would want my sons and daughter to marry someone who is Torah obedient, who fears YHWH, and who wants to do as YHWH says, and not what man says. I would also like for them to marry someone whom they get along with, and whom they have common interest with. I think that when two married people have the same common interest, the marriage will last longer than with those marriages where the people do not have common interest, or goals in the Torah.
I know that today girls and women are told to look on the "romantic" side of marriage in some instances, and in others they are told (by the tv, comercials, movies, etc..) that it is okay to go to bed with any guy that they find, they don't need a romantic notion, or any notion to be married, only to have sex.
These girls who have a sexual relation before marriage are prostitutes.
(prostitute - 6948. qedeshah, ked-ay-shaw'; fem. of H6945; a female devotee (i.e. prostitute):--harlot, whore)
If I girl, is a good girl, she would not want to make herself a prostitute. She would not even want to put herself in a position where others thought she was a prostitute. So the fact is, is that you don't have sexual relations until you are married. It is the sexual relationship between the man and woman that seals the marriage contract.

Gen. 2:24
24 Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Gen. 1:27-28
27 So Elohiym created humankind in his image, in the image of Elohiym he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Elohiym blessed them, and Elohiym said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth."

Gen. 9:1
9:1 Elohiym blessed Noah and his sons, and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.

Gen. 9:7
7 And you, be fruitful and multiply, abound on the earth and multiply in it."

Gen. 35:11
11 Elohiym said to him, "I am Elohiym Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall come from you, and kings shall spring from you.
(This is when YHWH was talking to Jacob, and changed his name from Jacob to Israel).

Jer. 33:3
3 Then I myself will gather the remnant of my flock out of all the lands where I have driven them, and I will bring them back to their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply.
Even when we are gathered out of exile, we are told to be fruitful and multiply. How many times throughout the Torah do we see that being fruitful and multiplying is what we should do? We have a great example in Exodus, while the people were enslaved in Egypt. There were other times also when the Israelites were enslaved and they multiplied and became great.
The thing to remember is that even though we multiply, and become great in number, we must always look to YHWH and never turn from HIM. We must be a ‘holy' people, and to be a holy people, we have to go by Torah.


I hope that this study is beneficial to everyone who reads it. I hope that you don't just take my word for what is said here, but go look through the Torah and find out for yourself what YHWH is telling us to do, and not to do.

Martha


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